Sunday, June 27, 2010
As I sit on my bed with my laptop, Starbucks, and cigarettes, pretending to be Carrie Bradshaw, I am still in a bit of a daze trying to get my mind to focus on the antics of the last two nights. First off, it started as a normal Friday, a little nap around 3pm, up at 5, in the shower cranking XMradio.... BPM to be exact. This inspiring, uplifting loud techno/euro stuff really gets me in the party mode. Anyway, the routine can take forever as passing for 28 at my age takes a lot of Hollywood tricks. Trust me.....I know them ALL, from the best bronzers and tanning salons to the best clip in hair available. Did you know you can actually contour your muscles with different shades? I think that is an old bodybuilder trick, but it works for me! The only draw back being it can sometimes take half your earnings to keep doing all this shit, but I love dressing like Barbie. Everything from glue on toenails, which actually can be quite embarrassing when one flies off, and yes its happened. One time in my martial arts class recently doing round house kicks, lol!! The Master bent over picked it up while everyone was standing there looking and was amused that it wasn't real! BOY was my face red! Its easier to get away with toenails flying around in a dimly lit room full of drunks as they are too focused on tits and feeling to see if your hair is real to notice a missing chunk of plastic. Back on point, so I grab my Rock star drink and bag o tricks and head to the club. I was in rare form to begin as my birthday had just passed and I felt I had a good reason to celebrate all over again. My routine consists of having a standard drink at the bar and hang with my gal (a former NBA cheerleader). We have a drink and chat for a bit waiting for the crowd to start coming in. Sometimes we work together and sometimes not.....as we are usually drawn to different types and its hard to sell tag team. It takes a real special guy to handle BOTH of us, lol. So we set out to roam the floor together and I notice a group of about ten at one of the side booths getting an early start. Two bottles of belvedere....the worlds first super premium vodka, not bad. We both take a seat and start chatting with the group, just seem like normal guys celebrating the not so typical weekend. Well, former MBA lost interest and left after five minutes and I decided to stay as I was really having a fun little chat with my guy. I still think he actually knew nothing about the roofie, but maybe that just shows my mid west naivete. So my guy, after about twenty minutes makes a bet with his buddies that he can guess what type of g string I am wearing under my dress.....I take this as my opportunity and say OK all the guys that get it wrong have to each buy the winner a dance. After all the reading I have done on proper sales technique, I now realize I should have said all the guys "get" to buy the winner multiple dances followed by an intriguing incentive of a take home pantie. . Live and learn. Better luck next time ! They all start guessing away and MY guy gets it right, so bingo, I thought my instincts were in check. They were leopard print, by the way. I make my house fee back and start to feel good about my choice in company when the guy at the other end decides to pass me a drink. Normally I ALWAYS pour my own drink, watch the waitress do it or get it directly from the bar, but for some idiotic reason I just wasn't thinking. The next thing I remember is being in the dressing room puking and dry heaving something that looked like black snot, I don't know how long I was there, but when I stumbled out to the house mom she checked my eyes, informed me I had been drugged and needed to sleep it off. She took my shoes, for some reason I remember THAT as I thought it was odd. Maybe she thought I might start convulsing and poke someone in the eye with my 7inch spiked platforms? I passed out on this plywood bed thing in the back corner and when I woke up six hours later there were four other girls sleeping there with me. Was I in the middle of a rock video shoot, or possibly traveled back in time to my days with Fem2Fem? Obviously not, but maybe not such a far fetched thought! well at least I stayed warm from all the body heat! Still groggy I went to get dressed, pulled out my hair (literally) and called it a night thankful that I wasn't in the ER. And Yes, I did show up for work on Saturday, alive and still twitching, ending the weekend with the grand prize, selling a thousand dollar bottle of champagne and VIP treatment!